Wisecracks - Witty Remarks

Translate This Page

Here are several ingenious wisecracks and remarks, selected with wit and taste.

All the pedestrians ask is a little more cooperation between horsepower and horse sense.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
If you can't fix it with duck tape you haven't used enough
Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll all think your on drugs.
Constipated People Don't Give A crap.
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
Illiterate? Write For Help
"Here officer, hold my beer while I find my license."
I Swear to drunk I'm Not god
"Inside this body lies that of a skinny lady. But I can usually shut her up with chocolate.".
"I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose"
"Behind every good man there is a good woman and behind that another man looking at her ass"
Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved
A repair shop: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. To the plumber, any liquid in the glass is potential income
Never trust a computer you can't throw out the window
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
The best thing about Alzheimer's is : You can hide your own Easter eggs.
Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Back to Home Page

Wisecracks - Witty Remarks

Occasionally a little motivation is all you need to get your “Self Confidence!”

Sooner or later, somewhere, somehow, we must settle with the world and make payment for what we have taken.